the Year of Here

these birds know things

Now that resolve from outside shoulds

has given way to reality (me here with heart-birthed, embodied want and also actual limitations)

There is a

So now what?

What do I really want in 2024?

For me:

to Stay and befriend

my actual joy ache of a life

to stay Tend(er) and grow Together.

I know the

You are Here

I want to feel, to offer

so I reverse engineer

And in 1% and

sometimes an ocean of flow

The wanting finds my do.

This starts with inside-outside Care (with that capital C)

in both: 

Compassion

Of course, dear Holly you feel you Must produce, be of use to be loved. And That is not your voice. 
Holly the non-ideal as enough
is a great wonder-full, and actually 

Everything

that could possibly be in this just now.
(Who is defining “ideal” anyway and what do they gain from my adherence?)

and

Considerate tending

Are you thirsty, myself? Could you use a nap? Movement? Have you followed delight today? Let’s get a fun audiobook to couple with those challenging PT exercises. Can we text your sister and ask if she has capacity for your laugh and cry?

I tend my need-full, sensitive body, my both rich and energy-variable mental space, my warm achy heart.
And then/also,

I let myself Care (even though I can’t fix)

for you good human connected through these words, 

through a headline (and the humans underneath posting their reality from a cell phone),

for my dears, my nears

my child in a season of school ouch and also bright becoming,

their little buddy in the cold without a coat on the playground,

my neighbor downtown with no bread.

I let myself see you, listen to your Here (how you tell me, not my presumption of what you need).

I let myself feel the truth of your now.

When I With you (who is not me or my projections) this way I find mountains of:

I’m so amazed at your ingenuity, your nuance and knowing, and ways of Alive even though. I’m so sorry you are cold, hungry, sad, scared, uncelebrated. You are not wrong.
You are not alone.

Seeing is a magic.

And often when I Feel you -the not me

at the same time as me, Everything
here now enough

there is both integrity of action and more than 1% of do to bring:

Would you like these mittens, or soup, or sim card or how can I portal my words or money for others to provide that?

Or, today I can make the beans and rice with a generosity of cheese and also cookies, though I can rarely bear to bring them downtown in the traffic and crowd to the marvelous Mutual Aid Monday. Yet, it is not a bear but joy for Dave who partners to go offer the practical care to our Denver neighbors.

And, what a mixture of a day, dear 9-year-old marvel! Want some snacks and blanket? Yes darling, tea too for both of us and nintendo, and soft mom next to you while we don’t solve, but stay
With it all and Together

in the year of Here

to love (me and you)

to see

to do

to Stay with us

and tend(er)

will not break my heart
but only open
and free
to be Me (We).

REFLECTION INVITATIONS:

(or just stop at the poem's end. It is often more than enough to just feel.)

• What is actually here in your life (circumstances + capacity) just now? Do those realities feel in conflict with the voices of ought to or your desire? If so, can you start with Care for your actual (not ideal) inside/outsides?

• What if your So Now What is kinder (to you and others) than you think possible?

• Fast forward in your imagination to a few years into the future of having lived in a reality of compassion + consideration. What do you feel like there? Who is partnering with you?

• What 1% of action to reverse engineering this future occurs to you at this moment? Hint: what Care towards practicing integrity with both your capacity and others’ sovereignty is Here now?

If you would like help tuning in to what is Here and There, to what helps or hinders you in your practices of Care, I would love to journey with you in a 1:1 session.